There’s this news here in the Philippines that a 20-year-old Accounting student at De La Salle University jumped from the 2oth floor of their school. It was going around that the student was having problems with school so she killed herself. Organs splattered at the pavement.
I was reading this news and it made me really emotional. There goes another life. Life that could have been saved, if someone listened and just listened. It’s so sad that now that there’s a suicide hotline here, there’s much more news of suicides.
Having this story viral, many were quick to judge. I say, that this girl is strong. Deciding to just end her life. I guess, I’m not in that kind of level
yet. I don’t even have courage to hurt myself let alone die. And I’m so thankful and happy that my friends are so understanding through my phase that it really helped me through.
For the girl who killed herself, I salute you. You were very brave. I wish you are in a better place where you don’t have to worry about any thing any more. Rest in peace.
I’m thinking about continuing the 30 Days Challenge. However, I think I should start like on the Day 8 of the month or something or do I just start all over since today is May 1? I don’t really know…
+8 GMT 2:17 AM 01/05/2016
This is actually my first time sharing my thought about Hyunseung’s withdrawal from BEAST. I actually knew it was coming when all of them were crying during Beautiful Show last year. It was heart wrecking to see those photos. I was tweeting the possibility of it on twitter and B2UTYs were telling me, “No, don’t say such horrible scary things. Believe in them. It’s only for enlistment.” Nevertheless I already felt that, “Ah crying like this. It can’t just be because of enlistment.” Seeing that, I got so scared then because that was what MBLAQ did; had a concert, cried during that, then shortly after Joon and Sanghyun left. The two events had the same feeling. That’s why I already cried my share then and was more prepared when it came now. Even so, I still haven’t grasped it yet. I can’t bear with it. I feel numb. I feel like a coward for dodging this kind of issue. I feel helpless and powerless for not being able to protect them. I feel aggravated at BEAST for not keeping their promise and just making us hope. I feel infuriated at Cube for not defending him. And just not letting him continue as BEAST because in my perspective, him being solo would mean that he won’t have someone to support him through his tough time like the current situation. If things were different—meaning they defended him and stood up for him— maybe it would have turned out better. Maybe I’m mistaken, I’m no fortune teller, I don’t know the standards over there and what’s really happening because I’m not from or there. However, I’m done finding out the reason why they did it. But everything happens for a reason.
I still believe in you, guys. Though, I, on any condition, will not forget 2016-04-19. I haven’t accepted this yet. It might take long but their happiness is first priority. So B2UTYs let’s be strong for our boys considering they are the most that’s hurt right now. I love BEAST. It might feel incomplete but I’ll support them in anyway I can. See you there, see you later.
Mayu — Isha
Friday, 2016 April 22
16●04●17 3:54PM 8+ GMT
Hi! It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog again. I didn’t even finish my 30 day challenge! I’m such a failure. Kekeke I was just busy and stuff.
I worked last February at as a customer service agent and things was just stressful because I was working while studying, I didn’t know why I did but it was kinda fun. I shall tell in another post.
I’ll try to write more. ^^
I was still carefree when I started writing this, well not really carefree. But bubbly? But anyways, I shall post this before…
11:06 PM +8 GMT
My zodiac sign is actually Leo. I think it does but it doesn’t… I mean everyone is different. Some traits do and some not. Like when my friends told me to stop talking about myself but I didn’t pick up this until college. I wasn’t talkative too until college. I don’t think I’m strong enough as described. I don’t want to lead or anything. I don’t think I’m that dramatic. I can be serious or goofy if I want to. I don’t want to be around to many people especially the center of attention.I just wanna stay home and read books. But I do want to help others if I think it is right. I’m laid back. I want a long, serious, faithful relationship. And I am cheerful and a positive thinker but a realist most of the time.
So you are who you are. The zodiacs might be similar to your personality but remember that it’s just a guide. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the description is what you are.
30 Facts about Me
1. I hate Wednesdays
2. Allergic to seafood
3. I rarely consider a person as my bestfriend bc I think everyone leaves
4. I’m weird af. Like totally! Even when in public
5. Mostly not a picky eater except for seafood
6. I love Lee Jaehwan
7. I have three annoying siblings, a younger sis, an older bro, and a younger bro
8. I’m majoring in Journalism but I don’t like it.
9. 9 and 2 is my favorite number.
10. I mostly wear black, white, gray, blue, and brown clothes, other colors are dark or pastel
11. I’ve been into kpop for 5 years. I think.
12. I cosplayed before I converted to kpop
13. I know 3 languages but I don’t master them all. Tagalog, English, and Korean
14. I need to work on my Tagalog because it’s so poor even though I’ve been speaking it all my life and never left the PH
15. I’ve been studying Korean for 2 years? I think. I still have a lot to learn
16. I don’t like being around too many people
17. I’m quiet at first but I’m crazy weird when close
18. Hell scared of spiders uhkk
19. I’m poor
20. Japan has a special place in my heart. I really wanna go there.
21. I’m mostly on Twitter, rarely on Facebook.
22. I often remember my dreams.
23. My eyes are uneven. Which makes it hard to do make up. My right eye has too many creases while my left is a hidden double lid.
24. I have a bracelet that I wear always. It’s the only accesory that I have kept for so long. 3 yrs?
25. I’m really clumsy. I trip on my own foot on flat surfaces.
26. I have feet that are angled towards each other a.k.a. knock kneed.
27. I think my name is a mouthful so I stick with Isha or Mayu
28. Totally a cat person. But I still like dogs, esp Husky. No hate going on
29. Buys a lot of books but doesn’t read them.
30. I’m an insomniac.
I thought of ending my life just recently. I was too stressed of everything happening around me. College, fangirling, reality and fantasy… But then I was too lazy to get up and do any thing. I was scared of getting hurt. I remembered that someone would miss me if I was gone. I gained strength through those things. To not do it. To continue living because I don’t want to cause anybody grief because of me. Also BTOB’s It’s Okay really helped a lot. Truly a healing song.
P.S There is no date bc I wrote this at around 2AM and without internet so yeah. And it’s late because I thought I posted it already. Anyway, it’s still for Day 5
10:15 PM +8 GMT
My views on religion… I’m a Catholic but I’m not committed to the church? I don’t praise or anything. I believe in God though. I believe that donating to the church and whatnots doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. You can do it in your own way. As long as you know what is right and wrong and do good deeds and not expect anything in return.
Any body can choose any beliefs that they want on the condition that it doesn’t hurt, offend, and affect any one.
6:21 PM +8 GMT
어재는 재미있다~ 피곤했지만 친구하고 만났고 먹었고 쇼핑했다. ㅋㅋㅋ 다시 하고 싶다! 근데 다 8명 가고 싶다~~ 고양이 카페과 우케박스에 가고 싶다.